Well THIS isn’t working…

So, you probably noticed I haven’t posted in a bit, right?  Sorry about that.  I could say it was because of work, or the holiday (Happy Fourth of July, by the way!) or even just because I don’t have anything going on to write about, but the truth is pretty much the same as every other time I don’t post for awhile.

I made a deadline for myself, aaaaand I failed at it.

I don’t know WHY I make these deadlines.  I mean, it’s not like anyone is desperately waiting for this book.  I’m not on contract, I don’t have any commitments I’m breaking.  (Except to myself.)  So why do I set them when I know I’m just going to break them?  My writing isn’t something I do on a set schedule.  Maybe someday I will be self-disciplined enough, like the pros, to write 2000 words a day like clockwork.  But that’s just not me yet.

Maybe a part of it is that I’m scared if I DON’T try to scare myself into coercion, I’ll never finish.  Which, granted, is a valid concern–or it was six months ago, when I had never gotten further than 2 or 3 chapters into something.  But I think trying to rope myself in this way is counter-productive now.  I got this far somehow–and it sure as heck wasn’t by deadlines or threatening myself.  (Because let’s face it, I can always call my own bluffs, and then I just feel douchey for failing.)  I did it because it was TIME for me to do it.  And I know that I’m going to finish this book, one way or another, whether or not it’s in the time-frame I originally wanted.  As I get better, maybe I’ll reach the point where I can call how long it’ll take.  But that point is not now.

So!  For anyone who was wondering, I am relatively close–but the problem is that what I think will be a short scene  ends up being 4k words.  My novel expands as I write it, which makes it reaaaaally hard to pin down.  (Which is part of the problem.)  Looking at it, even knowing I had to work, I really thought I would finish by July.  And then I sat down to write it, and I wrote…and wrote… and wrote.  And it was like walking on a treadmill.  I was getting SOMETHING accomplished, yet I didn’t seem to be getting anywhere at all, and there are still like 2 1/2 chapters.  (I know it seems like every time I post about my progress I have like 2 or 3 chapters left, but THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING.  IT’S CRAZY.)

The point, I suppose, is that for the moment being I’m throwing out deadlines.  (Except Nanowrimo in November, because that’s the fun of it–trying for that 50k in 30 days.)  Perhaps someday I will get good enough, fast enough, have enough grip over my own writing to know when I’ll be done, how much time it’ll take, etc.  You guys will definitely be the first to know.  In the meantime, I’m going to stop being guilty, which starts by NOT putting pressure on myself.  (Except to blog.  I will keep doing that if it kills me, because PLATFORM DAMNIT.)

You and I both know that Life of Gaia will be done soon.  At least, I hope you believe in me, even if you can’t believe in my deadlines. And you know that there is no place better than here to find out the very SECOND I am done, because yeah.  You guys are awesome. 🙂

But it’ll be done when it’s done, and not a second before.



4 thoughts on “Well THIS isn’t working…

  1. Deadlines are for the weak!!!

    In all seriousness, though, deadlines work great for some people, and terrible for others. I sometimes use deadlines in the hopes of motivating myself, although I can’t think of any deadline I actually made, lol.

    Don’t stress about writing! Good grief! It’s supposed to be fun, after all 🙂 And don’t worry about the book ballooning way over the word count you had in mind — if I can cut 30k words from my manuscript without too much trouble, so can you 🙂

    To quote my former Korean students, Celeste DeWolfe FIGHTING!!!

    • I have NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS, but it inspires me anyway. :)) (And also your quasi-inspirational part about also being unable to keep to a deadline. If you can’t and you actually FINISHED a book, then I mean, forget those.) I know, right? I feel like I forget that sometimes, so I have to step back, take a deep breath, remind myself that I am not yet famous enough to have nothing to do every day except write, and accept that I am human. (Which always blows. I wanna re-choose my race.)
      And yeah. The cutting is going to be… interesting. I am entirely too verbose. xD (Though I’m kind of interested in what Immin Dang looked like 30k words longer!)

      • Hahaha Immin Dang + 30k words is pretty much Immin Dang … but with more adverbs, more long-winded dialogue, and an entirely unnecessary scene in which Varrin and co. navigate a minefield (which didn’t really make any sense to be where it was, hence why I cut out the scene entirely!).

        Oh, the “Fighting!” thing? 😀 That’s what Koreans say when they want to cheer someone on. So if you’re watching baseball, for example, you could shout “Blue Jays FIGHTING!”. Etc.

        Haha yeah, I suck at deadlines. I had a habit of turning in my university essays several days late, due to the fact that I started actually writing them the night before they were due. Sigh. I guess the reason I set deadlines for myself is that I TRY to make them and fail, but in the process of trying I at least get stuff done, and then that’s a good jump-off point for the next time I attempt to make a self-imposed deadline.

      • I guess that’s a good way to look at it… x) I was a little better with school deadlines. I usually got them in on time, despite also only starting them the day before they were due. xD My ability to bullshit on an academic scale is quite honed. But yeah, I mean… I guess I have more written now than I did before I tried to make myself finish, soooo…. win? (I’m chalking it up as a win.)

        DANG. You took out a whole scene?? That’s gutsy, yo. I don’t know if I can do that. D: *shudder*

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